When I first came back home I was still dealing with anxiety that was almost paralyzing. Things I once loved I had no interest in anymore. Even little things which never scared me before, left me feeling anxious, as though my heart was about to beat right out of my chest. The night before I asked God for a sign to help me through my difficult time. Something that would tell me everything was going to be OKAY. It wasn’t until I went on a long walk in the forest that I started feeling a great calmness. Before I was dreading the fact that I wasn’t taking classes for the semester and felt like a failure, but when I was there all past things didn’t seem to matter. For the first time in a long time I felt like I was exactly where I needed to be. Although I didn’t understand it at the time, nature recharged my spirit and God calmed my nerves with all the beauty around me.
When I started walking more I came across this pack of yellow butterflies with black spots on their wings. Even as I walked closer they still wouldn’t seem to move. One butterfly in particular seemed to follow me around for a little bit. They were so beautiful and it made me realize that at one time they were a caterpillar that eventually departed from the world for a brief time to evolve into something greater- a butterfly. I don’t know the science behind the change, but I do know they go through a phase inside of cocoon of great pressure and eventually break the shell and emerge as this beautiful creature. Not to say it wasn’t just as beautiful before.
The next day while driving, I came across what I started to call my butterfly. He seemed to pop up when good things were happening. Every time I saw this butterfly I would smile and it made me feel like everything was going to be okay. I was stopped at a red light one day and felt very anxious and out of no where he would appear, flying across my windshield and my anxiety would go away. I felt like I was going through a phase of change and evolution myself and still am. That the universe was transforming me into something greater. I was beginning to be more open to change, because before I was very stubborn and closed minded.
Weeks went by and my butterfly would be everywhere I was. My anxiety was at an all time low, and my stress levels were low as well. I was starting to feel more comfortable being home and even was blessed with an opportunity to Intern with a new company in D.C. My best friend and I were finally reconnecting as well. When I was starting to feel better, I realized I wasn’t seeing my butterfly as much. I was feeling sad for some reason until I went to my best friends house. His mother had butterfly decorations and little figurines on the wall, and that’s where I saw a large statue figure that resembled the same spotted butterfly that I claimed to be my little God sent buddy.
My best friend was bringing me out of my rut and getting me back to enjoying the little things again. I realized that once I reconnected with him and be more open, I was starting to feel like myself again. It was as if I didn’t need what I considered ‘my little buddy.’ As strange as it sounds, I feel like God was placing my best friend back into my life, and placing challenges along my way to strengthen my character. Seeing the butterfly figure on the wall, made me feel like I really am where I’m supposed to be at this very moment. As cliche as it sounds everything really does happen for a reason. God has his funny way of bringing people back into your life and testing you. So although I’m not where I want to be, I thank God I’m not where I was before. Back to living, loving, and enjoying the little things…:)
“The simple things are also the most extraordinary things, and only the wise can see them.” –Paulo Coelho
Courageous Mimi 